We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
