someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
