This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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