Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
