Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
