I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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