I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
