Please, let me fuck your mom
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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