i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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