2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
