How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
