Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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