So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
