laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
