there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got inside last night via doggy door
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
