i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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