How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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