Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
