i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
