Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are two peas in an std pod
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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