you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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