Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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