Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
