You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
