I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
