everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
