I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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