i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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