I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
