Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
