she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
