I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
