"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
