and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
