she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
