I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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