she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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