I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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