remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
