it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
