the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
