Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
