Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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