Betty ford says i'm here all night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
