I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
