I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
