I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
