I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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