I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
