Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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