My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
