Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
