Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
